My struggle? I thought I still couldn’t overcome my feeling/struggle previously, but actually I realized that I don’t actually have those feeling/struggle anymore . The struggle is more interpersonal and spiritual now. Though sometimes I wanted to really run from that struggle, but by enduring it, caused me to see my spiritual needs.

My actual struggle is how more on the interpersonal side, how sometimes how things happen then hen get bad thoughts/feelings or accused. Spiritually, it’s just voicing out and sharing, even in the grouping time and other things I can improve on.

My recent conversation with a brother involved certain topic, but I mentioned my view that most brothers & sisters know how to put God first, but I’m still working on that. Outside people or even Christians tend to put their own feelings first and go by that, so they act on that, not realizing or care what God wants. Before I even posted my first post on the blog, I’ve already made my decision to focus on my spirit. After that I felt that God saved me from all my fleshly desire soon after. I didn’t realize that I didn’t have the same desire/feeling that I had until recently. Bonus was that I stopped watching too much stuff on computer, buying board games, video games.

My struggle? I thought I still couldn’t overcome my feeling/struggle previously, but actually I realized that I don’t actually have those feeling/struggle anymore . The struggle is more interpersonal and spiritual now. Though sometimes I wanted to really run from that struggle, but by enduring it, caused me to see my spiritual needs.

My actual struggle is how more on the interpersonal side, how sometimes how things happen then hen get bad thoughts/feelings or accused. Spiritually, it’s just voicing out and sharing, even in the grouping time and other things I can improve on.

My recent conversation with a brother involved certain topic, but I mentioned my view that most brothers & sisters know how to put God first, but I’m still working on that. Outside people or even Christians tend to put their own feelings first and go by that, so they act on that, not realizing or care what God wants. Before I even posted my first post on the blog, I’ve already made my decision to focus on my spirit. After that I felt that God saved me from all my fleshly desire soon after. I didn’t realize that I didn’t have the same desire/feeling that I had until recently. Bonus was that I stopped watching too much stuff on computer, buying board games, video games.

Fasting prayer really helped with all the prayers and reminders. Though sometimes you feel hopeless, but actually God gives us hope if we are willing to rely to Him. We prayed for spirit and meetings.

But after I got home, before I went to sleep I still agonized, because I thought that last week I worked, so I couldn’t do it then, but now that I have my days off, I still have no chance. I felt that God doesn’t want it.

But I know that I may had thought negatively, and that affected my spirit, God didn’t want that. Through the teams and meetings, He really confirms that He is there for me. Based on what others pray.

Jason shared/prayed that in the past we may want to help others, but we couldn’t even help ourselves before we believed. But I felt that I can’t even help myself even know nor know how to rely on Him. I didn’t know how use my faith or rely on Him.

But I know what God really wants is me to be free before Him, I really wanted to voice out, but I couldn’t voice it out then. But I want my spirit to be free of all fears and worries and wrong feelings or wrong thoughts.

I no longer live as the old self
I am a new creation, perfect before him
By faith I live for Him, deny the world
I am my father’s dear child
He will provide for me
He will surely give me the best
I live to you, I live for you, I live with you

Through the storms, through the waves
I shall face it all with joy with you
Darkness shall be vanquished by light
Many others seek the world,
but I shall seek you first
Life without you is meaningless
I was blind, but now I see.
I was weakened, but you strengthen me
You are my everything, my all.

https://bible.com/bible/59/pro.4.23.ESVVerse of the day:
Keep your heart with all vigilance,
for from it flow the springs of life.
NIV: Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.

Reread previous post and comment elsewhere yesterday about not thinking bad thoughts and cut them out. Seems that I let even simple things affect me. I make negative assumptions and presumptions, but I should cut these out. Or replace it with something positive.

Philippians 4:19 ESV

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Gain from morning team

Psalm 103: 
Treasure that the Lord save me from my sin. 
He has pardened me, though I may not had deserve it
He caused us to perfect in His eyes, no blemish

You have prepared:
He understand all my needs
I can face life with Him
When we fall, fail or lose hope He will surely guide me 

Return to The fountain….
Romans 2:17-

I am weak, but you are strong
In man’s view I am insignificant, but you show me my value
Only in you, can I be satisfied
You know me deeply
You care for me
You save me from the dark valley
Help my steps to be established by you
Help me to be more than a conqueror
Through the challenges and difficulties, you face me, you are my shield, my rock, my fortress

I am a new creation, though sometimes I feel that I act like old self.
I try to cut bad thoughts that are not edifying to my spirit, but it’s been so hard to so.

Some bros say I smile too much (smiling in wrong situation), but now that I reflect, I actually don’t smile outside of “church’ or when bro/sis not around. Not that I don’t feel anything, when I am by myself I feel weak (or much worse); I just think negatively . Was reminded to not add attack myself along with enemy. Yesterday reminded me of new creation more. That the old is gone and the new came.

Some bros know how I think, positively or negatively, because I keep saying what I think or feel. It’s not helping anyone and I just end up dwelling on my thoughts and feeling. Even when I realize it’s just the enemy and with me kinda helping attack myself.

I feel so powerless that I don’t have the strength to be positive than to be negative or cut thoughts/feelings. But I know it takes practice and time. And turning back to him.

Though I pray the precious prayers, like part 3 and 4.

I know that God causes all things to work together. But my feeling, reaction of the flesh when facing certain things or people. I have shadows and I would have destructive thoughts. Not negative toward the things or people, but rather bitter toward my own weakness and certain things that happen. My usual habit is just hide/ turn away. But that’s just hurting more me more than helping

Even though you can say just cut the thoughts…

Glad I could participate this year in Light and Love’s Let the Children Smile fundraising event.

Managed to actually jog the entire way. At the end legs were so sore. But it’s all worth it to support God’s work. Need to exercise more…

Surprisingly didn’t feel sore next day because I need to work at 6:30 and do receiving.